Falling apart to allow new Growth

As I write this, it is blustery out there, Pooh Bear, and I keep a frequent eye on the fence at our side yard. The wind is leaning into it and rubbing on the boards like my cats rub their cheeks along me when they want me to know their presence. I can feel this intent with the wind today, just as I did last week when the other storm moved through.

I love the wind and how it stirs up all the old and stagnant energy. I love to play in it, twirling and dancing, spinning like a leaf without a care except to ride this moment fully, eager to see where each gust takes me until I have landed, exhausted and thoroughly disentangled with delight onto the ground and into the waiting arms of Gaia's embrace, invited to finally rest.

But this day, as last week, I am worried. The fence is swaying back and forth, yielding itself much more than I am comfortable with, as the posts that once held it so strongly and securely into the ground are giving way, eroding away into something that might be more suitable for my compost pile at this point. I have placed tall metal posts along both sides and secured angular supports as well, hoping it will last the winter storms until I can replace it.

In my panic and fear of its collapse and the exposure of my garden sanctuary and home to outside forces and uninvited visitors, I pray to the wind that it be gentle...and still I occasionally see it mischeviously poke at the fence again. In my worry, I decide to quiet my heart and mind and ask what is playing out in my life that this may be representing.

I become aware of many things regarding my house, garden, and life that are in a grand state of shifting. I become aware of more than a few areas of my life that I am patching up anxiously in hopes of keeping it at bay, or at least off to the side until I can find a more comfortable time to deal with it…and if I am honest, I would prefer to leave some of these things conveniently tucked away, their presence activating more than a little discomfort….but where’s the fun in that, right?!

I remember the mouse in the walls of our house recently that both my cats and I could hear. The animal communicator that I worked with said the mouse had come with a message: that there are things niggling at me in my life that I am not addressing and it's eating away at me (my symbolic house). This little mouse was certainly correct! The animal communicator shared that the mouse would leave once I was willing to address these things.

Then the next week, we found a colony of rats in the storage overhang. Again, awareness came about how things have sat stagnant that need addressing, otherwise it grows into an unhealthy mess that can seem scary and overwhelming the longer it sits.

Prior to all that, the woodpeckers were at our house, pecking into the rotten wood of the trim. I could see that as they were trying to get to the bugs in the wood, they were showing me how to listen, how to pin point where the things needing unearthed are hiding, and to expose them.

Several creatures and elements have volunteered their presence in our short 2 years of ownership, to share insights and messages. And I am so thankful for their willingness to engage my life with theirs and for the opportunity to look deeper, to heal, and to co-create in ways that my heart has long desired.

Various things need replaced in this older house and property that my parents had lived in for many years, and each “issue” is asking conscious maintenance, personal attention to the upkeep and care that a house (and a life) need in order to thrive. Each thing we have replaced, repaired, or cleaned up has gifted me with an insight into my own inner life. And even though it can be worrisome to have to engage it, there is a sense of appreciation for the maintenance request, and for the task of tending it in a conscious and loving manner.

I am not trying to say that this precious space was not well tended. It was very well tended, in fact. There is a beautiful garden all around this wonderful little house that I am deeply grateful for. There is a safe and loving home to be in each day and night. I am happy here. AND, the timing was such that at a point in my life where so much had fallen apart inside me, and as I was coming to be ready to shift that into wholeness and new life, this home/garden/living space (and the corresponding aspects that vibrationally matched my own inner shifting) found its way to my ownership, and with it, the process of both of us needing to take down the old and install the new. Quite the task, but one I am finding the courage to embrace, one task at a time.

As I give thanks for the messages and invitation to create together here, I am asking that everything come together in the perfect way to support, nurture, and bless this communion and journey.

So at this point, I have given myself a little more to the peace of knowing that all is well, and that both this special space and I are in good hands. It's a process, and I certainly have more stakes to put up along the fence for support, but I know that the true support is always inside me, around me, throughout my life. As I can learn to dance and flow, and take my cues, I'll get the inspiration of how to build, co-create, and thrive... both me AND this space.

I truly hope that the fence will remain supported and upright until summer. I tell the wind that I am engaging the process of my inner work, and to please lend support in balance with the flow and timing of all that needs to shift. If it finds its way to the ground sooner rather than later, I guess I get to explore a deeper experience of feeling vulnerable and exposed, AND get to explore alignment with how to rebuild the new a little earlier than I had planned. Either way, I get to play with Divine Timing and Process, learning to trust that all is truly and lovingly supported and taken care of.

I think I will go dance with the wind for a little while as the evening comes to a close. Gaia's waiting arms are sounding pretty good right about now.

Munay

Kimberly Logan

Harmonic Luminosity

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