The Lantern

I came across a story about a traveler making his way through a forest one dark night, cold and rainy, no moon in the sky, no way too see his path except for the dim light of his lantern, which only illuminated his way for maybe a step or two in front of him. This traveler happened upon a simple shack with a monk inside. The monk invited the traveler to stop for awhile and rest. In their conversation, the traveler asked for directions to his destination, which was very far away, and which he felt pressed for time to arrive. The traveler shared that he felt as if the journey would be very difficult given that he could not see his way in such darkness. The monk offered that the traveler could simply take one step at a time, as the lantern illuminated each next step and then the next, and then the next, and eventually he would arrive at his destination.

I felt that this beautifully illustrated how we might understand traveling our own life's journey, or even a single facet of it.

Sometimes....ok...very often, I have felt overwhelmed with what choice to make, which path would be the best, and how in the world do I end up arriving at this grand sense of where I will be, if I have no clue how to figure out the steps, especially the first one. The first one can be the trickiest for me because the bigness of what I often feel lies at the end of that journey is so much more than where I am now. How in the world I do get THERE from HERE? To add to that, the more that destination matters, the more important the choices and steps feel for me. In my confusion and doubt, I can become frozen or flounder back and forth among several steps.

This morning my husband and I were talking about the personal journeys we both are on, of things that make us come alive, and about giving life to the things that call from the depths of our soul. We talked about the things that we are afraid of never being able to do, of how challenging and even daunting it feels to think we might not be able to bring things together: finances, time, support and opportunity, continuing to grow skill sets and learn new ones. Sometimes it feels so very possible to pull it all together... and then at other times we feel we must sacrifice them for the sake of needing to take care of responsibilities because, in that moment, we feel lost in helping them to co-exist.

We both believe, on an ever-deepening level, that challenges are opportunities to understand some aspect of ourselves better. We learn how to hear what the fear is trying to say, then align with Truth and Heart Centered Presence. Bringing in clarity, we can begin to be guided by Loving Inspiration. Sometimes easier said than done. Today, we invited Truth to come in and translate the fear into Divine Possibility.

As we talked, this story of the traveler came into my mind and I allowed it to guide our conversation. It went sort of like this:

“Ok, so we both know what this overwhelm and limitation and sacrifice feel like. It can feel really disheartening to have something that has been calling from deep inside have to sit on the sidelines or, even worse, be discarded completely. It's heartbreaking. AND, we also know that our only true limitation is ourselves.

“So, feeling like the destination down that road is so big, so full, with so many steps.....if you could take one step, just the very next step, what would that look like”. My husband offered that going back to school for his degree would be his next step. (respecting his privacy, I will stay general with his information).

Knowing he has been looking into school for quite some time, I asked, “ and how many schools are you feeling offer what you are looking for?”

He answered that there were 3.

I then asked, “If you could feel into each of those options, which one would hold the most doable next step for you, given all that you are needing to consider with what is in your life?”

He named his choice.

Then we talked about the possibility of taking that first step by signing up for the first class. Just the first class...knowing there may be times that another class may or may not happen each consecutive semester, depending on the demands on his time with work, etc. But taking that first step tells the Universe that he is saying, “Yes” to this calling. One step in saying yes. That starts a trajectory in which other opportunities will open up because he is becoming a vibrational match for YES.

Feeling we must be thoughtful about how we invest our time and money, we also looked at the free avenues that were available to him, such as through online free workshops, programs offered through his beloved church community, even conversations or volunteering with others that may spark previously unknown avenues to tread.

We talked about how the path to somewhere is often windy and full of side trips. All of them important, all serving our growth by expanding and even deepening how we relate to our life and to that which we are calling into it. Perhaps saying yes to this class will call in meeting up with someone or something that is exactly the next step after signing up for that first class. Perhaps he may learn something from the class that has a deep influence on how he knows his life, or how he understands his calling to come through in an even more defined manner. Perhaps it literally opens a door to some new experience that leads to yet another adventure and another next step. By never taking any steps, we never get to experience what the next step could be...it just dies, and us with it. The only way we can arrive there is to start taking the steps.

In my husband's case, he continues to find beautiful support and encouragement through his beloved Pastor, and the community he is building in his life among many of his Brothers and Sisters. Each time he says YES, he is met with a flood of opportunities to engage. Each time he feels overwhelmed and struggles with how in the world can this all come in, the perceived roadblocks intensify. He has found that praying for clarity and guidance has opened up a lifeline in which he is met with seemingly random, yet divinely timed encounters and conversations with others who remind him of the value in his purpose, and in the importance of allowing it to speak through his life.

Taking the next step does not require that we declare we are ready to go All-In...Baby steps are ok too. This could mean that we are willing to give it a single step ( a genuine heart-infused step) and see where it goes. We can navigate it as openly as possible and see what that becomes for us, and then evaluate from there.

I will offer that, in my personal experience, the more I can show up as fully as possible, things will come into alignment quicker.

Showing Up Fully's partner-in-crime (or friend- in-freedom to be more accurate) is a beloved and misunderstood character called Courage. Courage, in my current understanding, is a willingness or dedication to engage an experience even when afraid. It is not the absence of fear, but rather the embrace of fear and the trust that what needs to be engaged is far greater than any fear. This move to saying YES requires that Courage and her other partner, Grace, lead the excavation in unearthing and resolving the inner resistance and sabotage.

Sometimes I call this team the Kahli-Mah trio...I never know whether they will arrive feeling playful and mischievous or in total demolition mode, but they always show with complete love and deep understanding of what is needed. My response, however, can range from grateful and ready to let go...all the way over to crying and begging it to stop because it is more intense than I had anticipated.

As my husband and I talked through all this, I offered my answers as well. My next step would be a loving commitment to invest, as best I could in any given moment, in the practices that filled my heart and soul: some of them being my relationship with Nature and Creator and translating that in some fashion into the creation of a website with the intention to anchor in the incredible love that I experience as my Source. Our conversation also invited my desire to figure out what was trying to come through me as the expression of my life. I had long thought that I had to find The One Thing, a medium through which my Purpose in Life was going to be expressed. I have long been petrified that I would not choose correctly. Petrified that I would never be good enough at it, and that I could never bring it in because, for me personally, it just feels so so big, and so consuming. Another big fear was that I would be found incompetent. No matter how skilled I become, I can notice that fear come in... And yet, how are we to grow our skills if not by engaging them? That admittance, alone, was proof that fear had some twisted ways of rooting into my psyche.

As I sat with this, I began to realize that for as long as I can remember, I thought our Purpose was supposed to express itself as a singular thing or set of actions… and of course it could. But as I went further with that “lantern on the dark path” to the next step in this understanding, I began to glimpse that my whole life could be... and really IS... the expression of what is calling so deeply to come from my soul. I began to see how it was seeking expression through each and every thing I so loved doing, playing with, engaging, even ached for; from my children, my garden, my healing work, my deep desire to join in the harmony and luminous thriving of the world, to wanting to BE that Sacred Blessed Love that holds us all so very close through the pain of each heart tearing open and through the joy of each squeal of glee.

I was shown that my soul's callings were woven deeply into every fiber of my being and sought to express itself throughout every facet. I now wonder if this was the BIGness that I have felt and why I couldn't pin down how it was supposed to be expressed! So, my feeling like a failure in not being able to choose and commit to one singular path was really just a misunderstanding. I could now expand my expression of Life Purpose to encompass my entire life being the medium through which my soul's deepest callings were desiring to present! (see what I mean about this feeling BIG!?)

An awareness is growing in me that our passions and life purpose seeking such expression can be something we are already very good at or something we are prompted to learn and then to share. What is so amazing to me is the realization that this desire is an epic journey for us to explore both as a gift offered to the world, but also as a precious gift we offer to ourselves in deeper communion. It asks us to push the boundaries of what we know and to become even more. Becoming aware of the things that call to our heart in inspiration as well as those parts that scare us enough to want to turn our attention away, helps us to see where our life is inviting us to explore and integrate.

I am often feeling an inner nudge to allow this experience to be an ever-unfolding process that invites appreciation for each step rather than judgement and condemnation for the times things feel like a struggle. Each amazing, and even messy step is important. In our exploring we are also BEcoming on levels that contribute to our life and to one another's in ways that we may only be subtly aware of, but which could have the most profound effects. Compassion and Grace often accompany this journey because as we develop an awareness of our own struggle and desire, we become aware of another's as well. Quite the humbling and inspiring experience!

I was tearing up at this point. My husband smiled and thanked me for my heart. I thanked him for his.

So many of us desire for beloved communion or deep self expression on a soul and sacred heart level, whether consciously or unconsciously. As well, we are seeking a way to allow that sacredness or passion within us to find a home somewhere here among our world. Our tribe, our belonging, IS here, taking any number of forms. Even if it is only one other lone voice out in the vastness of the world. We are waiting for one another, embrace at the ready.

That which calls us from deep within has an important purpose in our life. It is an expression that can whisper, beckon, and even pull intensely at us. It desires to be given life in some capacity and it has an audience who is waiting to receive it, just as we are also waiting for that which is seeking to arrive through another, somewhere, for us. It is both a gift to others and most certainly a gift to ourselves as the growing we shall do in that journey will leave us forever changed and hopefully deepened.

My prayer for you is that your lantern continues to illuminate your next step, and that you learn to trust it. That it can hold you in the light of your own precious sacredness and bring you into the sweet sacredness of another. I pray it encourages you to know that your expression has been needed, awaited, longed for... just as someone's has been for you.

I pray that you consider what a next step could look like for your journey. A baby step? A full-blown leap? What could that next step look like. What could it feel like. How does the possibility feel for you to know that there could be things coming in to bless your journey. Some experiences or people will come in that challenge you, yes. But if you are curious enough and willing to see what happens, you could find the ride was well worth it in the end, on every level.

What is calling through you?

What could be your next step?

Munay

Kimberly Logan

Harmonic Luminosity

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